How to turn a difficult discussion into a Fierce Conversation.
What gets talked about in a group or organization and how it gets talked about determines what will or won’t happen.
Each of us owns a piece of the truth about what’s going on in our relationship. It starts with listening to yourself and beginning to overhear yourself avoiding the topic, changing the subject, holding back, telling little lies, and being imprecise in your language, being uninteresting even to yourself.
At 9Dot, we encourage you to be a fierce leader. Stop for a moment, take a deep breath, then come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real!
Having a “Fierce Conversation” can change the trajectory of a career, relationship, or life. “Fierce Conversations” stems from award-winning author, Susan Scott’s book Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time. The book teaches readers how to “transform everyday conversations at work and at home with effective ways to get your message across”.
When you think of a fierce conversation, think of passion, integrity, authenticity, and collaboration. Think cultural transformation…Think Leadership! Fierce conversations are all about having open and honest dialogues that sometimes can be quite intense. So, how do you have a fierce conversation?
Master the Courage to Interrogate Reality. This guiding principle beckons us to boldly engage with reality, to seek out uncomfortable truths, and to fearlessly grapple with challenging and complex issues. Most people want to know the truth and will respond to people that level with them. Be open to and to learning others' perspectives
Come Out From Behind Yourself Into the Conversation and Make It Real. While many fear “real,” it is the unreal conversation that should scare us. Unreal conversations are expensive, for the individual and organization. You will accomplish your goals in large part by making every conversation you have as real as possible. You aren’t doing yourself or the other person any justice by beating around the bush. Tell the truth, and be direct no matter how difficult it can be.
Be Here, Prepared to Be Nowhere Else. While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it matters. Carve out time to spend- don’t be distracted — Commit!
Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today. Identify and then confront the real obstacles in your path. The anticipation of an uncomfortable conversation is usually what causes the most stress. Once you have the conversation typically there is a sense of relief.
Obey Your Instincts. Don’t just trust your instincts — obey them, tune in, and pay attention. Share these thoughts with others. What we label as an illusion is the scent of something real coming close.
Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake. The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation IS the relationship. Learning to deliver the message without the load allows you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion.
Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting. It is okay to pause and process, let the other person have time to respond. Conversations can be so empty of meaning. Memorable conversations include breathing space. Slow down the conversation, so that insight can occur in the space between words and you can discover what the conversation really wants and needs to be about.
As you embark on your journey of having fierce conversations, think of HATS.
H- Have a Plan — Approach every conversation with intention and purpose.
A- Always Use It — Constantly apply the principles of fierce conversations.
T- Tell the Truth — Be honest, direct, and authentic.
S- Speak from the Heart with Compassion — Embrace empathy and understanding.
In the end, the goal is not to “win” the argument but to foster understanding, find solutions, and strengthen relationships. It’s time to seize the opportunity to transform conversations into catalysts for growth and positive change. Embrace the power of fierce conversations, and watch as they lead you to new heights of personal and professional success.
About 9Dot: 9Dot is an HR organization that helps schools and mission-driven organizations achieve their dreams with HR and People support.
If you’re seeking human resources support, don’t hesitate to reach out to us at sales@hello9dot.com. We’re here to help you achieve excellence in compliance and communication.
